The story so far........

I am a 22 year old Indian man from New Delhi. i studied in a terrible college in new delhi. by terrible i mean that the education i recieved was terrible. i was trained to be an exam giver and somebody who would if god intended work for an IT company given that i have the necessary skills. i don't know how to socialise. not that i don't want to do it. i really do. but i don't have any friends. thats because i dont know who i am right now. even i dont like me. i go creepy sometimes. people hate me a lot when they talk to me. im trying to find a consistent frame of mind to keep. maybe i am just too lonely. all the friends that i have made in kaiserslautern will leave next year. is it also time for me to change my place of education again? TU kaiserslautern is not as bad as the college in delhi. i had a nice girlfriend back home though. she also hated me a lot. its a pattern i guess. maybe i need to find who i am and what i am here for first before i could allow people to get close to me. i love attention. i like it when people like me. maybe its because i have not been liked for a long time in my life. i was mocked and made fun of in school for not being cool enough. they were bullies though. i dont give a shit about them. i do but im not supposed to. the reason i think that success eludes me is because i still want success because of the money and the leverage it will give me of being cool in front of people i was not cool in front of till now.

maybe a hormonal imbalance has occured inside of me and im not able to keep my head straight in this situation. i loved my girlfriend though. she was very cute. i wished sometimes that she was not as angry at me as she usually was. that killed the experience a long time before we called it quits.